Dear Friends:
I want to share some thoughts and suggestions you may find helpful.
Many of you have used my services in past months and years; many of you are using my services actively right now; and others of you have been in dialogue with me in the past. Wherever you are on the journey with your son or daughter (pre-teen, teen, young adult), I am sending encouragement and best wishes.
MY PATH TO EDUCATIONAL CONSULTING
As most of you know, I have been on the healing journey with my own son who benefited greatly from several therapeutic programs, starting when he was 16 years old (he is now 26). Going on that journey with him drew me deeply into the world of therapeutic schools, wilderness programs, emotional growth schools, therapeutic boarding schools, and more. As a result, I dove into the profession of Independent Educational Consulting and have enjoyed many years now of working closely with families striving to find hopeful solutions for their pre-teen, teen, and young adult children. I am grateful for the confidence and trust so many of you have placed in me. The rewards of doing this work are beyond measure, and I have a shoebox full of feedback notes that keep me going. My gratitude to you all. It would be great to hear "the rest of the story" from many of you who have not been in touch for a while.
THE "IMMATURITY HYPOTHESIS"
There are many books out there offering insight and guidance to parents with struggling children with all those entrenched diagnostic labels: bi-polar, depression, ODD, ADHD, Conduct Disorder, Asperger's, substance addiction, computer addiction, etc. John McKinnon, M.D., advocates less focus on diagnostic labels and more on "disrupted maturation and resulting immaturity." John has authored a book which I strongly recommend to you all: "An Unchanged Mind: the Problem of Immaturity in Adolescence" (ISBN- 13:978-1-5906-124-9, Lantern Books, NY). A practicing psychiatrist in Montana for many years, John takes the position that a whole new approach is needed, a "developmental, holistic, constructive culture approach" designed to move struggling teenagers....
FROM TO
Gross narcissism Consideration for others
"Puppet" relationships Separate relationships
Magical thinking Goals, follow-through
Dr. McKinnon writes: ""In general young people rarely recognize that they have changed or that they have grown up. Sometimes it upsets them, and they feel less a part of the crowd, and a bit lonely. Not until an adult recognizes this shift in attitude, and marks it as a legitimate source of pride, will they see it in themselves. Often young people assume instead that others have changed, that others have begun to behave in a peculiar, offensive way. A teenager can be as oblivious to his own maturation as Mark Twain recalls that he was, himself: 'When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.'"
He continues: "Because teenagers usually do not notice changes in themselves, parental recognition makes an important contribution. For an adult to acknowledge a boy's new maturity strongly sustains that new maturity. To help a girl make sense of puzzling new feelings, or to register that she is becoming a fine woman, turns out to be profoundly encouraging."
Get John McKinnon's book and see what you think!
WORTH NOTING
The Kaiser Foundation, in its January 2010 report on the use of electronic entertainment media by U. S. students, aged 8-18, found that, on average, these young people are spending more than seven hours a day (53 hours a week) with such (digital) amusements.
One therapeutic program reports: "Thirty years ago, the average client began using drugs at ages 14 to 16. Now they are often 10 to 13 years old when they begin. A significant phenomenon with marijuana use is that emotional and social development stops with frequent use. Important emotional and social milestones are distorted and developmental stages are missed. We now have 16-year olds who are 11 years old on an emotional level."
OTHER READING RECOMMENDATIONS
"What Now: How Teen Therapeutic Programs Could Save Your Child" by Dr. Paul Case; ISBN-13: 978-1-93431-430-2 Common Thread Media, Franklin, TN
"Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School" by John Medina; ISBN-10: 9797777-4-7 Pear Press, Seattle, WA
LET ME HEAR FROM YOU!
I welcome ongoing dialogue with you. Meanwhile, I am sending encouragement to each and all.....
Kind regards,
John C. Huie, Ph. D.
Educational Consultant
Professional Member, Independent Educational Consultants Association
Therapeutic Residential/Wilderness and Boarding School Placements
Guiding Families To Settings Where Children Can Thrive
1333 Merrimon Avenue
Asheville, NC 28804
828 252 8062 – Asheville Office
828 989 9100 – Charlotte Office
828 225 1702 - FAX
John,
ReplyDeleteRegarding your "path" to independent educational consulting - it certainly resonates with my family and me. The difference is that I was in your son's role de facto training my parents how to deal with an obstreperous and recalcitrant young man - and my mother (in particular) operated in your domain. She became an educational consultant initially to place students in colleges and traditional schools. As we toured boarding schools and I bombed out of one after the other, she very quickly got up to speed on special needs placements - born of necessity as her own son was a slow-motion train wreck. I recall her concern that I would even negatively impact her business when she would ask "Who's going to send their child to me for guidance if I can't even place my own?". At the time, bleak as it was, this appeared a valid concern/question; however, in retrospect it probably delivered to her the most rewarding and successful part of her practice - helping parents who were struggling mightily with their child and finding local outpatient options limited at best. My path as an adolescent was unorthodox to be sure but it delivered me to a career and sense of purpose in this world that I can't imagine would have occurred in any other circumstance. Perhaps one day your son will join you in the fight against pathology and self-defeating cycles of behavior. Regardless, it appears you both are all the better for the experience - in spite of how tumultuous it seemed at the time. I will be forever grateful to my parents for giving me a second, third and fourth chance in spite of how vigorously I resisted their direction. These days I marvel at how things have come full circle as I am now a father of 2 beautiful daughters and have a whole new level of empathy for the parents I find on our campus. Perhaps the patient, inspired by the doctor, has now joined those very ranks. Paying it forward, etc.
Thanks for all you do, Hoss.
Kind regards,
Grant Price